


RWBY Chibi: Cracked Up

by HeroFizzer



Category: RWBY
Genre: Beast dick, Comedy, Other, Pancakes, persona 5 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-05-21 16:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14918643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroFizzer/pseuds/HeroFizzer
Summary: A series of shorts based in the RWBY Chibi universe, though noncanon to an already noncanon show. And things get quite out there, sometimes lewd, sometimes lulzy. And sometimes crossovers happen because why not?





	1. Chapter 1

##  
Meet Chestnut  
##

"This is the place!" Weiss says happily, leading the rest of Team RWBY over to a shady tree.

"What place?" asks a curious Ruby.

"According to this note, I have to meet under this tree at exactly three o'clock to find out who my secret admirer is!"

"You, having a secret admirer?" Yang scoffs. "Who would want to put up with someone as high maintenance as you?"

"For your information, Yang, I have numerous men AND women lining up for the opportunity to be my suitor!" Weiss scolds the blonde teammate.

"Uh huh...¦" Blake says with an eyeroll. "So who are we looking for, anyway?"

Holding the note up, Weiss responds, "According to this, we're expecting someone tall, dark, and handsome. Oh, what a lovely description! I hope he lives up to his own standards!" The white haired member of the team swoons, her eyes turning heart shaped at the thought. Ruby backs away from Weiss, a bit weirded out.

"Well it's after three," Blake points out, "are we sure he's even comi-"

"Oof!"

The girls scream as they hear Ruby bump into something, the hooded girl jumping into her sister's arms in response. They all stare at the young horse Faunus who's casually standing behind them, having suddenly appeared from nowhere. "Uh, hi guys." he says nervously.

"Chestnut?!" shouts RWBY.

"How long were you standing there for?!" shouts Yang.

"The whole time." replies the horse Faunus. "I just got nervous and turned invisible."

"So you're the tall, dark and handsome that wrote this letter?" Weiss says in disbelief. “But you're not that tall, and...¦well, handsome is a bit suggestive...¦"

“Yeah, but...I mean...this counts as tall, right?” With one pull of his fly's zipper, Chestnut smirks as his gigantic horse cock pops out, the girls ducking to the ground as the massive shaft expands. Weiss looks on in shock before her eyes turn back into their heart shape.

"Oh, so that's...¦yeah. This was a dick joke, wasn't it." asks an unamused Ruby.

"Yep," says Yang, "yep it was."

##  
Pancakes  
##

It's another beautiful morning at Beacon Academy, and Ren is up nice and early as he starts to whip up a nice stack of pancakes for his friends in JNPR. With the nice, fluffy stack finished and ready for serving, Ren places the edible breakfast meal onto a plate, leaving it on a table not too far from the stove.

"Hopefully Nora doesn't smell these yet..." Ren contemplates loudly. "I can't keep making pancakes forever." Shrugging, he turns around to grab the syrup bottle, then returns to the table to find...

...Not Nora.

"Er...who are you?" Ren asks the strange, hazel haired young man, who is about to indulge in the pancakes with utensils placed in his black gloved hands.

"Oh, goodness." says the young man happily. "Where are my manners. My name is Goro Akechi, rookie detective. Pleased to meet you."

"...Goro...Akechi?" Ren asks, scratching his head. "What kind of color based name is that supposed to be?"

It's Akechi's turn now to be confused. "Color based? Oh, I see. That's an inside joke I don't understand, isn't it?" he says with a laugh.

"Nnnno. Anyway, what are you doing here? Judging by your uniform, you don't even go to Beacon Academy."

"Well you see, I just happened to walk by when I smelt the scent of delicious pancakes. And I just really have a love for pancakes."

"Uh huh..." Ren says, suspicious. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but those pancakes aren't meant for you."

"They aren't?" asks an almost saddened Akechi.

"Nope. I made these for my friends."

"I see." Akechi then proceeds to stick his hand out to Ren. "Pleased to meet you friend."

"...that's not going to work." Ren informs Akechi.

"But I'm in quite the mood for pancakes..." Akechi whines, rubbing his stomach."

"Sorry. But you can't touch them."

After a short pause, Akechi leers at the Beacon student, a devilish smirk forming on his lips. "I see then. Perhaps you'd like to change your mind before I do it for you?" he asks, pulling out his cell phone.

"Nope."

Akechi nods as he taps on his phone to open up the MetaNav. "I see. Then perhaps you can tell me your name?"

"Lie Ren."

"Lie Ren?" Akechi repeats into his phone.

"Candidate not found." says a voice from the phone.

"...What was that?" Ren asks, annoyed with the young detective.

"Oh, that's just...nothing. Uh, perhaps you could say your name a bit more clearly?"

"Lie. Ren."

"Candidate not found." repeats the phone.

"What...what are you even trying to do here?" asks Ren.

"Hm? Oh, I'm trying to change your cognition into letting me eat these delicious pancakes." Akechi explains.

Ren then says, "But by the time you get through doing that, won't the pancakes get cold and inedible?"

"Er, I suppose, but..."

"Say, why don't we try using that to check your cognition and see-"

Akechi interrupts with a loud, nervous laugh, grabbing the pancakes and tossing them into his briefcase. "Goodness, would you look at the time! I suppose I should be running! Good to have met you, bye bye!" Before Ren can even stop him, Akechi is gone in a cloud of smoke made in cartoon fashion. Sighing, Ren shakes his head over what he just witnessed.

"That is one sad, strange little man..." Ren says to himself.

"I SMELL PANCAAAAAAAAKES!"

Ren jumps at the sound of the shrill, loud voice of his orange haired teammate, watching as she dives from afar onto the table where the pancakes once laid.

"Nora, no!" Ren shouts just seconds before Nora makes impact with the table.

##  
Weapons  
##

It's a nice, beautiful day at Beacon, and all of the students are out on the campus testing out their weapons for future combat. Among the many, Velvet hops around, her camera out and ready for some snapshots. Taking pictures of her fellow classmates, the bunny Faunus takes pictures of everyone's weapon so that she can create her own holographic projections to use against the Grimm as well. All seems to go well for the rabbit girl, but she soon realizes that there's one particular weapon she doesn't have in her catalog.

Then she spots the last student on her list.

“Oi, Chestnut!” she shouts, hopping up to the horse Faunus. “Have you got a sec? I'd like to see your weapon for a picture.

“Uh...m-my weapon?” stammers Chestnut, bullets of sweat forming on his skin. “Oh no! I couldn't, Velvet, it's too embarrasing.”

“How can a weapon be embarassing?” asks a confused Velvet. “Go on, get it out, it'll be quick.”

“N-no, really, you don't need to see it!” Chestnut replies, prepared to rush off in the other direction.

“Come on now, let's not be a big scaredy horse.” says the bunny Faunus. “Just whip it out!”

There's a pause from Chestnut, who only sighs at the request. “Okay, well, you asked for it.” Unzipping his fly, his giant horse schlong pops out of his pants, horrifying the bunny girl.

“Why did...Ch-Chestnut, is that...?”

“My weapon.” says a deadpan Chestnut.

Though it takes her a moment, Velvet soon grins at the sight of Chestnut's weapon. “Hm. You know, I think Coco would certainly like getting some use out of this.” 

“Wait what?!”

“Say cheeeeese!” Velvet says just before snapping a picture.


	2. References!/Lewd/Cooler Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today's episode features a cameo from two famous gamer girls, an introduction from Weiss to Jaune of her new beau, and guys trying to talk like guys at a water cooler. Those things apparently still exist, yes.

It's another night at the Razzbury for Neptune and Sun, the two Junior Detectives chilling at the club after another long day of humorously solving crimes. As the blue haired hunter and the monkey Faunus stand by the bar scoping out the sweet honeys, Sun spots a pair in particular on the dance floor, his interest caught.

"Dude, check those girls out!" Sun says to Neptune, tugging on the latter's collar.

"The blonde and the brunette?" asks Neptune. "What about them?"

"There's two of them, dude!" Sun says, pointing between them. "One for each of us! You get it?"

"Well, yeah." Neptune says. "I get what you're implying, but they seem...preoccupied."

"Preoccupied how?" Sun asks with a cocked eyebrow. As the music comes to an end, the monkey Faunus's attention returns to the dance floor, seeing the two girls walking in their direction. "Nevermind that, they're coming our way! Two o'clock!"

"What? It's closing time already?"

"No not-eeergh! Let me do the talking here." insists Sun, the monkey Faunus quickly plastering his Junior Detective mustache over his lip. As he leans against the bar counter like a suave guy, the blonde, wearing a tight blue jump suit, and the brunette, wearing a black and olive green outfit, are ready to walk past the detectives until Sun gets their attention. "Hey there, ladies." he says, pointing at the two. "Got any plans for after the club?"

As Neptune palms his face from second hand embarrassment, the girls exchange glances before the blonde replies, "Actually, we were going back to my place. Nikki and I have plans to spend time together since I've been a bit busier than her."

The brunette, Nikki, nods her head as she squeezes her arms around the blonde's upper body. "Yup, Sammy's been a busy girl with all the different fights she gets in."

"A hunter eh?" Sun asks with a grin. "We're hunters too you know. What kind of things you go fighting?"

"Oh, you know," Sammy says casually, "purple aliens, mustached fire users, blue running hedgehogs, black flattened guys...the usual."

"That doesn't sound very usual to me." says the skeptical Neptune.

"Hey, I've got an idea." says Sun, still not getting the hint. "How about we come over your place and get to know each other a little better? You know, a more intimate level."

To which the girls laugh at the monkey Faunus's advances. "Thanks but no thanks." Sammy replies. "Nikki and I have that intimacy thing planned out already."

"Aw, Sammy!" Nikki says cheerfully before pecking the blonde's cheek. As Sun's mustache collapses from his face, which appears to be in shock, the two ladies walk off arm in arm to continue their evening plans.

"Dude! Did we just get friend zoned?!" Sun asks.

"Preeeetttty sure that requires us being friends with them in the first place..." Neptune says aloud.

##

In the Beacon cafeteria, Jaune sits down at a small table, a sandwich in his hands as he prepares to eat his meal. Before he can take a bite out of the sandwich, however, he spots Weiss approaching, the white haired huntress holding hands with another boy that the blonde isn't familiar with.

"Good afternoon, Jaune." Weiss says, the rich girl all smiles. "Enjoying your lunch?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that." Jaune replies, his focus on the man next to the huntress. "Say, who is that guy?"

"I'm Chestnut." says the horse Faunus as he waves at the blonde. "Nice to meet you."

"Uhâ€¦Chestnut?" Jaune asks. "Yeah, that's a great name all rightâ€¦"

"Oh don't be silly, Jaune." Weiss says. "Chestnut here is still quite the charmer, despite all of that."

"Charmer, uh, heh, yeahâ€¦" Chestnut replies, blushing as he rubs the back of his head.

Leering at the horse Faunus, Jaune slowly plants his sandwich back down on the table, the air around them turning to discomfort. "Okay, Weiss? This guy looks like a total joke. I meanâ€¦what does he have that I don't, anyway?"

Side glancing around his surroundings, Chestnut asks his white haired girlfriend, "Shouldâ€¦should I show him right now?"

"I'll leave that up to you, Chestnut." Weiss replies, pinching the horse Faunus's cheek. With a breath of air for confidence, Chestnut slowly unzips his pants, causing his gigantic horse cock to plop out of the fly, crushing Jaune's table.

"My sandwich!" Jaune cries out.

“Oh, um, yeah...sorry about that?” Chestnut says, a little guilty. “I guess I don't know my dick's own strength...”

“Not to worry, Jaune.” Weiss assures the blonde. “Lunch is still ongoing. In fact, Chesnut and I were just about to grab some.”

“Yup. Nice meeting you dude.” Chestnut says, lifting his cock off the rubble of Jaune's lunch table, with the ingredients of his sandwich slowly splattering off his shaft.

And as he watches his crush walk away with her new beau, all Jaune has to say to what just occurred, folding his arms, is simply, “Rude!”

##

At the water cooler placed in the commons of Beacon's dormitory, Jaune, Sun, and Ren are gathered, with the monkey Faunus pouring himself a drink. "So, did you guys watch the game last night?"

"What game?" asks Ren. "I wasn't aware there were any sports going on last night."

Jaune nods. "Yeah, is that...is that the thing where you do a thing and score points?"

"Wha-? Jaune, how do you not-" Sun stops himself from finishing tjat question. "Look, it's just guy talk, okay? We all gather around the cooler and just talk about guy things!"

"Is sports a thing only guys discuss?" asks Ren. "Because I think Nora knows a thing or two about rugby."

Sun sighs, questioning his life choices up to this moment in time. Thankfully, he spots Neptune walking over to the cooler as well, though the blue haired hunter seems a bit traumatized by something on his mind. "Heeey, there's my partner in crime fighting." Sun says as he wraps his arm around Neptune.

"Dude, are you all right? You don't look so good." Jaune says with his head cocked with concern.

"He did go on a date with Yang last night..." Ren muses out loud. "And she is a bit of the wild type."

"Oh, oh no...the date was fine." Neptune says, the blank stare on his face still present. "We went back to her dorm, everything was fine...but...then she spread her legs."

"Whoa, for real?!" Sun asks excitedly. "So you got all the way to home base with Yang?"

"Are we still talking about sports?" asks a confused Jaune. "Because that's the only hockey reference I know."

"Uh, to answer Sun's question, no." Neptune explains. "I...I didn't go all the way with Yang."

"Why not? What happened?" asks Sun.

"It's just...she

Was

So

WET!"

While Neptune still wears his face of concern and fear, the other gentlemen around the cooler stare on, with Jaune being the first to walk off, arms in the air. "Okay, nope. Nope nope nope. I can't handle this. That's going too far! I'm out!"

"Neptune," Ren sighs in disappointment, "I realize you have a fear of water, but you really need to start getting over yourself."

After he walks away, Sun heads off in the opposite direction, with the still traumatized Neptune standing in place. "I'm...gonna go see if Yang isn't suffering from the feminine equivalent of blue balls." He then swings off, leaving Neptune by himself.

"They...they might be right." Neptune says to himself, grabbing a plastic cup for himself and pushing on the thing for water. "Maybe I should have a nice cold wa-OH NO!"


End file.
